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| Zeus - not quite armless source |
Suddenly Zeus has an idea. He calls an assembly of the gods.
“Is everyone here?” he asks when the lesser gods are finally
gathered together after much jostling for a favoured position. “Right – here it
is. I have an idea, a real peach this time.”
“Oh yes,” comes a voice from the back but nobody owns up to
it.
“Yes - a real peach. I intend to confer on humanity a noble
cause.” Zeus pauses to assess the reaction.
“Not another one,” comes a muted chorus from the celestial
throng. “We’ve been doing noble sodding causes forever. Religion and war, war
and religion... radical philately... plagues and pestilence... ”
“Silence,” commands Zeus, his great voice echoing and
re-echoing through the clouds. “This time it isn’t a war and it isn’t
pestilence so shut up and listen. Not that there is anything wrong with war but
this time it will be different. Although pestilence is close to what I have in
mind,” he adds as an afterthought.
“Oh yes different... we’re always doing different I don’t
think... radical philately? ...it’s about time we looked at ignoble causes for
a bloody change... I think he needs a holiday... don’t we all... get away from
these blasted clouds.”
“This time,” says Zeus. Stern of visage and stately of
demeanour he demands their attention. “This time the noble cause will be catastrophic global
warming.”
“Global warming... at least he still does stern and stately... droughts I suppose... and flood, don’t forget floods... I think you
mean inundations, that’s the term we use round here... oh well I’m only trying
to be less dated... speak for yourself... we’ve never done philately...”
“Silence,” commands Zeus again. “I have decided on an original
twist to my noble cause. Humans will be told about catastrophic global warming by computers.”
Silence reigns for a long moment before a wave of approving sniggers
bursts forth. “Strewth that’s good... computers indeed... ha ha ha... some
fun at last... I really must watch them bow the knee before their computers... don’t
forget you had the best cloud last time... that wasn’t a proper noble cause
though was it...”
“And...” Zeus continues, his powerful voice quelling the
sniggers. “And we shall stop the global warming as soon as they are convinced they
are about to fry unless they turn off the central heating and freeze to death.”
“Oh you delightful old swine... he’s not been like that for
ages has he? ...have to admire the old sod... all by himself too... I'm
impressed...”
“Plus – and here is the best bit.” Zeus pauses again,
evidently pleased with the reception of his latest idea. “The best bit is...”
He pauses again, gazing out over a sea of gratifyingly
expectant faces. “...the leader of the noble cause, the political figure who
bestrides the globe foretelling fiery doom and disaster will be...
wait for it...
Al Gore!”
The celestial applause is rapturous.
3 comments:
On the other hand I bet that Poseidon had other ideas. We are all going to freeze.
....... "And what's more thundered Zeus, I'm considering an important appointment for one to head up the British territory..."
Ed, Ed, Ed, they shouted ever more frantically. We want Ed.
Er, Ed? asked Zeus.
Yes, they chorused - the brilliant warmist, and all wise climate scientist who sets up bat mincing, bird crunching, human baiting windmills everywhere. Liberat Ed Davey.
OK. We'll give him a few months - just until the May blossom comes round again.
Demetrius - that's the trouble, you can't even trust the gods these days.
Graham - yes, he's one I'd like to see lose his seat in May.
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